Slip 'N Slide

Ah, the end of winter. The birds sing, the snow melts, that water refreezes during a cold snap, and more snow falls on the new ice, creating a slippery death trap the likes of which no one has ever seen. Snow is excellent camouflage.

Once, last year, I slipped right before crossing the road. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but I have the feeling that the paint on the roads gets incredibly slippery when it’s wet or cold or snow-covered. I usually avoid it, so I don’t have any data on its actual slipperiness. Anyway, this time I didn’t and one leg went out behind me and I fell onto one knee. Some people from my floor came over and asked me if I was all right, and I covered as gracefully as I could. “Yeah, I’m fine… I just… thought I’d pray for a safe crosswalk experience. I try to avoid hit and runs whenever I can… Amen.” Hey, you never know. This is a Christian campus.

Problems arise when no one is nearby, and I can’t be sure if anyone saw me or not. Last year (yeah, yeah- it was a bad year for walking in snow) I was crossing that field behind the VUCA on one of the student-made skating-rinks…er, sidewalks of packed snow. No one had decided to venture across with me, and about halfway through I slipped and fell right to the ground.

I stood up as quickly as possible and looked around accusatorily. No audible laughter, but everyone was quite a distance away. What could I do? Yell, “Uh, it’s slippery here. That’s, uh, why I fell, you know- not because I’m a klutz. So, be warned.”? If they hadn’t seen that would only make matters worse. Bow, taking credit for my marvelous wipe out? The sudden shift in my center of gravity might only cause me to slip to the ground again. I settled for lowering my head and slowly scuttling the rest of the way across the field. And never taking that ‘sidewalk’ again.

Mainly by walking like an arthritic penguin whenever the terrain is questionable (and even when it’s not… it’s a pretty fun way to walk) I have managed not to fall down yet this winter. A few slips are expected in the middle of the winter, even by those who are used to wading through snow to get places. I’ve personally witnessed more than a few people taken out by ice patches randomly scattered through campus. And after stifling my initial laughter I walk on, once again reminded of my traction-dependent vertical status.

Let’s face it, people falling down are funny. Have you ever seen the kid wipe out on his bike in the movie “While You Were Sleeping”? If not, the cost of renting it is completely worth that one scene. Heck, come over to my room and I’ll watch it with you for free, probably more than once. As long as I don’t have to go outside and brave the campus-wide ice slick. I have my pride.