9. ...I can't get enough of the tango.
8. ...my vertical leap is a thing of envy.
7. ...I invented the Flying through Space screensaver.
6. ...I'll never play the harpsichord again.
5. ...I'm now living off of my Cheeto-art.
4. ...Will Smith and I are no longer on "speaking terms."
3. ...I'm no longer welcome at Denny's.
2. ...his remains are back in the cemetary where they belong.
1. ...I have fourteen toes.
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