Screeches of Me

In honor of Asslee Simpson's performance on SNL... the first time I've laughed at that show in years

sung to the tune of 'Pieces of Me'

On a Monday I am grating
Tuesday I am faking
And Saturday? Still can’t sing
Then the show starts, what does live mean
When your voice comes from a machine
A recorded lyrical string

Play, they played the wrong voice track
No need to catch my breath
I’m a quack

Ohhhh
It’s funny how my “talent”
Wasn’t ever really there
And I have ugly hair
Ohhhh
You’d think if it was taped then
We’d have time to make a choice
They’d find a better voice
Than the screeches, screeches, screeches of me
All the screeches, screeches, screeches of me

I am tone-deaf and pitchy
My face is so twitchy
As I ride my career’s crest
I’m a phony and it pays bills
In a family with no skills
Thank God for Jessica’s chest

Play, they played the wrong voice track
When I realized it was wrong
I tried to dance

Ohhhh
My sexy belly dance is
Just a trick that I’ve been taught
And now that I’ve been caught
Ohhhh
I hop ‘round like an idiot
At least my mic is off
But please feel free to scoff
At the screeches, screeches, screeches of me

Now that you know
What am I supposed to say?
Wasn’t it obvious?
But just in case, I’ll blame my band
Who cares if they really played?
Yea

The next Monday I am waiting
For my contract’s negating
And my fall to
Obscurity

Ohhhh
Who knew that singers were expected
To carry a tune?
And not dance like baboons?
Ohhhh
And when I slunk off of the stage
I’m shocked they didn’t cheer
They didn’t have to hear
Ohhhh
Well, no one had to hear
Ohhhh
But everyone will jeer
At the screeches, screeches, screeches of me
All the screeches, screeches, screeches of me